From parents to their daughter

Dear Urmi,

None of the girls in your father's family has got the opportunity to study, let alone attain higher education.  Not many people, especially girls in our country, get the opportunity to pursue professional education and stay out of home soon after finishing high school. It is an achievement for the family and you are surely making your family very proud. To study in a National Institute is a matter of honour.  To study in Shillong (Shillong is also known as the Scotland of East) is a matter of god's grace.

Take pride in what you have and try and make the most of this opportunity. Needless to write, we will remain parents and would keep on scolding you, guiding you and reprimanding you. 
That’s our role and we are good at it. ;)

Three years in hostel is an indeed a very long time. The first steps should be taken with care (do not read it as caution).

· Always remember, that you are moving out of home, and staying in a hostel to achieve a bigger goal. Initially, you may experience freedom from an immature and pampered brother, a nagging bua, a thankless and weird mother and strict father but very soon, you would understand the value of a home and its security.

· Your focus should always be on your goal, nothing else matters really. So, stay focused on your actions (be it hostel duties or classroom work) to reach the desired goal.

· In such a long period, any serious life changing decisions if taken, may alter your life altogether.

· Hostel-life is enjoyable, only when you have mastered the art of self management. It may become a burden, if your ‘self’ is not handled with care.  Not all are blessed with great Roomies (like me)!

· You need to know your limits, be responsible towards your personal security and learn how to deal with people and situations, effectively.  

Here are some tips of managing yourself in this crucial phase of life.  There are two extremes, and you need to find a balance.  The more you are in balance within; the easier it is to find the external balance.

·Learn to say NO with conviction and without fear, whatsoever. 

·Have faith in GOD

·Never stop communication with parents (share the slightest of the concerns/fears/apprehensions at any point of time).  No one wishes the best for their children, more than their own parents. Even if we shout, scold and go wild at you, we will take timely steps to help you wade out of any given situation at any point of time.

·At the same time, do not depend on your parents for every step/decision.  Learn how to think independently and to take informed and empowering decisions.

·Develop a powerful persona from the very beginning.  People will keep respectable distance and approach you with caution. Don’t be rude, and be firm.

·The person in you will maintain two sides: one for all, the other for selected few.  Both sides are real.  None are unreal or fake.  But not all need to know the inner core of you, without solid reason.

·Your smiles should be measured. Your tears should be unseen. Your actions should be calculated.

·No one, not even you yourself, should ever take you for granted.  Keep the focus in focus.

·Ask yourself, “Why am I here?” “Where do I aim to reach?” “Whatever I plan to do, will it help me in reaching the aim or may become a barrier?” Once you have this clarity, the actions will be powerful.

·Do not take anyone for granted, not even your room mate, nor the good friend in class, nor your teacher, nor your hostel warden, nor the care taker / helper.

·Never engage into gossips or back biting talks with anyone. Now-a-days, the phones are smart enough to record your conversations without you knowing. Conspiring and jealous people may use it as evidence against you.  In today's life, such things need to be kept in mind.

· Avoid places /groups wherein controversial discussions are happening.

·Do not let anyone photograph you without your permission

·Do not be afraid of making friends.  At the same time, do not start believing people and their stories immediately.  Always take it with a pinch of salt.

·Do not give “I-am-very-friendly-and-approachable” look from the very first day. 
At the same time, do not act like a high headed snob. Such people become lonely and feel left out.

· Be helpful, when asked.  
Do not jump in to extending help or giving unwanted advice.  Keep distance always.

· If you actually happen to make friends with someone who really understands you, you will know what and when to share and how much. Take time in building relationships.

· You are special. Your personal life is not a garden that anyone can come, roam around, have fun and go away.  Keep yourself protected. 

· People either feel pity or feel jealous.  Very few understand.  Never share your life stories with anyone or everyone.  Be in control. 

· If you really want to share something, share in your diary.  Start writing. Again, no one should know that you write diaries.

·Do not become an agony aunt for ailing friends.  There will be people coming up with serious troubles relating to study, love affairs, family problems etc.  Don’t stay indifferent and aloof… listen up, but do not let that affect you mentally. 

·At the same time, do not be blissfully unaware or ignorant of what is happening in your surroundings.  Keep your eyes/eras open but mouth shut. 

·Be quick to learn the culture of the new place (by asking less questions and observing more) and adapt to the same. 

·Identify those who are the dominant/ rude / powerful/ unruly type of people in your classroom or hostel.  Always be in cordial terms with them.  Remember, they are like that because they are afraid of something, are hiding behind this behaviour and need help. 
At the same time, do not be a doormat that can be used by them to clear dirt. 

·When you feel that you need to take a stand for a particular person or situation, don’t be afraid and do not back out. This is an inner calling, should not mean that you take the lead role and jump into action every time. You have a spine and it should be straight and fearless when actual display of steel is required. This is not only in hostel but also in your professional/personal space in life.

·Be observant and be respectful towards the helpers / kitchen staff etc. They are the ones who know about things that are happening or are going to happen. A friendly nod, acknowledgement, spontaneous help, helps in the long run.

· At the same time, they (the hostel or college staff) should never know that they are crucial for you.  Listen to them, strike a casual conversation, as if you are not curious. Learn the art of casual conversation.

· Never take decisions on behalf of your friends/classmates. You may suggest options (only if asked… do not volunteer), but never force anyone to take any decision.  They have to take their own decisions. You can only empower them with information.

·Never show off.  Do not be extravagant in spending money or be too generous in sharing things (always).

· Never carry too many or too fashionable clothes to hostel.  The roomies or friends have a tendency to borrow and wear.  There is no problem in sharing clothes, but this should only happen within good friends, not with all girls.  

But above all...Enjoy this prime time. Explore Shillong.  Experience the Brahmaputra.  Walk on the Living Roots. Pray at Kamakhya in Guwahati. 

Join students' clubs, do trekking on weekends, eat fish, pursue your hobby, teach cube to friends, start Garba naach, learn local dance forms and music styles, Learn Khasi dialect, wear the local dress and taste the local cuisines/ learn new recipes. 

I think this is all I have to share right now. 

Rest, you will learn from your own first hand experiences. All the best!

Love, Baba~ Mummy